How are you after that?
Get it off your chest.
For tops, bottoms and switches, whether it was a great scene or a hard one. Aftercare doesn't stop when the scene ends. Check in with yourself in the hours and days after.
Which best describes you?
This changes a few questions and which support lines come first. You can change it any time.
Everything you enter stays on this phone. Nothing is sent to your partner, a venue or anyone else. Unladen Tend is a prototype. It is not a medical or emergency service and is not connected to any venue, group or government agency. · Give feedback
Take a moment.
Get warm, drink some water and eat something if you can. You're allowed to stop, slow down, and ask for what you need.
Breathe with this
What you might be feeling
- Shaky, cold or suddenly exhausted
- Low, empty or tearful (often called sub drop or top drop)
- Guilty, ashamed, or worried about what happened
- Wanting closeness, or needing space
These are common after a scene, and they can arrive hours or even days later. They usually settle with rest and care.
If something went further than you agreed
You can stop at any time, and a yes given earlier can be taken back. If a limit or safeword wasn't respected, it is not your fault. 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is there 24/7. If you're hurt, having trouble breathing, or someone passed out, call 000.
Ground yourself
Look around. Name them, out loud or in your head.
Call someone now
Add a play partner, a friend or someone close to you in so they're here when you need them.
Not sure who to tell?
If you don't feel safe telling your partner, or you're worried about being judged or outed, there are other people you can go to. Or write down what happened, just for you, while it's fresh.
What helps after
Check in with yourself
A few minutes, straight after or a day or two later. Notice how your body and mind are going, and what you need.
Please talk to someone now
You said you've had thoughts of harming yourself or not wanting to be here. Please call one of these now. If you're in immediate danger, call 000.
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When a limit is crossed
A yes can be taken back at any time, and a safeword should always stop things. If that didn't happen, it isn't your fault. You can talk it through with 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732), write it down privately, and decide later what, if anything, you want to do.
Your safety
You said you didn't feel fully safe. That matters, and it isn't your fault. Talk to someone you trust. 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) can help you think through what happened and your options, 24/7.
Look after your body
Rest, water, food and warmth. If something hurts more than you expected, you have numbness or tingling that doesn't go away, or you hit your head, see a doctor or call healthdirect on 1800 022 222. In an emergency, call 000.
What might help
People you can call
This isn't a medical assessment. It's a way to notice how you're going over time.
How it's been going
Last 14 days
Check-ins
This phone isn't letting the page save, so check-ins won't be kept.
Privacy & your data
Add a PIN, download what you've entered, or delete everything from this phone.
Aftercare is for everyone in the scene
What to watch for in the hours and days after, and what helps. Tap a heading to open it.
Sub drop and feeling low
- A low, flat or tearful feeling can come hours or days after a scene, as the rush wears off.
- Warmth, water, food, rest and comfort all help. So does a check-in with your partner the next day.
- It usually passes within a few days. If it lasts two weeks or more, talk to your GP.
Top drop and guilt
- Tops and dominants can feel low, guilty or worried they went too far, even when everything was agreed.
- You need aftercare too. Ask for it.
- Talking it through with your partner afterwards usually helps you both.
Planning aftercare together
- Talk beforehand about what each of you needs afterwards: closeness or space, a blanket, a snack, quiet, or a text the next day.
- Plan for the next few days, not just the first hour.
- With a new or casual partner, agree how you'll check in after.
When a limit or safeword was crossed
- It is not your fault. A yes can be taken back at any time.
- You don't have to decide anything straight away. You can talk it through, write it down, or do nothing for now.
- 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) and the NSW Sexual Violence Helpline (1800 424 017) are free and available 24/7.
- If you're hurt, get medical care. You can choose whether to go to police, now or later.
Looking after your body
- Some soreness and marks are common. Rest, water, food and warmth help.
- See a doctor if you have numbness or tingling that doesn't go away, pain that gets worse, signs of infection, or you hit your head or passed out.
- healthdirect (1800 022 222) has nurses you can ask, 24/7. In an emergency, call 000.
- A sexual health clinic is free and confidential if you'd like a check.
When aftercare was missing or rushed
- It's OK to say afterwards what you needed and didn't get.
- A calm conversation the next day can repair a lot.
- If it keeps happening, think about whether this partner meets your needs.
Shame, judgement or fear of being outed
- Kink between consenting adults is common, and shame afterwards is common too. It doesn't mean you did something wrong.
- When looking for a counsellor, you can ask whether they are kink-aware before you share anything.
- Your check-ins and private record stay on this phone.
- QLife (1800 184 527) offers LGBTIQ+ peer support.
Trying something new
- Feelings after a new experience can be bigger than expected, good or hard.
- Debrief together: what worked, what didn't, what to change.
- Going slowly is always allowed.
Signs you're carrying too much
- Feeling low for days after most scenes
- Feeling numb, ashamed or on edge
- Pulling away from people
- Drinking or using more to cope
- Feeling like you can't say no
Noticing it is a good first step, not a sign something is wrong with you.
When to get more help
If you've been feeling low for two weeks or more, or it's affecting sleep, relationships or work, talk to your GP. A GP can set up a Mental Health Treatment Plan for Medicare-subsidised sessions with a psychologist. You only need to share what you're comfortable with.
People to call
Save the ones that apply to you. They stay on this phone and show up on the Help now screen.
Support lines
Support outside your scene
Sometimes the person you'd normally tell is part of what happened, or it just doesn't feel safe. Here are other ways to get support. You choose what to do, and when.
From your organisation
A venue, community group or service can add its own support numbers here.
Someone outside the scene
- A trusted friend. Someone in the community, or someone who simply won't judge.
- A kink-aware counsellor or psychologist. You can ask about this before you share anything.
- A sexual health clinic. Free and confidential.
- 1800RESPECT. If a limit or consent was crossed, 1800 737 732, 24/7.
- QLife. LGBTIQ+ peer support, 1800 184 527.
- Your GP. Can check you over and refer you on.
Text or chat instead of calling
For when talking out loud isn't possible, or feels like too much.
For particular situations
Talking to someone early, even if you're unsure, gives you more options.
Spiritual and religious support
Some people find strength in prayer, ritual or their faith or cultural community. Others find it in nature, music, movement or quiet. Whatever gives you meaning counts.
If you're worried your faith community would judge you, you can still look for a chaplain or counsellor who will listen without judging.
Words to start with
The first sentence is often the hardest. You could say:
"I'm not ready to make a complaint. I just need to talk this through."
"Can this stay between us? Is there anything you'd have to pass on?"
"Something happened in a scene that I didn't agree to."
"I've felt really low since the weekend and I'm not sure why."
What happens if I tell someone?
- Counsellors, peer supporters and helplines keep what you say private. The main exception is if someone is at serious risk of harm. If you're unsure, ask at the start.
- Doctors and sexual health clinics keep your health information confidential. You choose how much to tell them.
- Your private record in this app stays on your phone unless you choose to share it.
Not ready to tell anyone?
That's OK. You can write down what happened, just for yourself, and decide later.
Numbers and services are for New South Wales and Australia-wide. Check with your organisation for its own services.
Write down what happened
It stays on this phone. It isn't a report, and nothing is sent anywhere. If you later decide to raise something, notes written at the time are easier to rely on than memory.
My entries
Entries can't be edited, so each one shows when it was written. To add something, write a new entry.
No entries yet.
If you decide to share it, you can download it or send it to yourself.
Your phone, your data
PIN lock
Ask for a PIN when the app opens, and after it has been in the background for a minute.
PIN is on.
The PIN stops someone else opening the app on your phone. It doesn't encrypt what's stored, so keep your phone locked too. If you forget it, you can delete everything and start again.
Hide the screen
Tap the eye button at the top of any screen to cover the app straight away, for example if someone walks in. Tap to come back, or enter your PIN if you've set one.
Download my data
Download everything you've entered (check-ins, private record and contacts) as a text file. You could keep a copy, or show it to your GP or counsellor.
Delete everything
Deletes your check-ins, private record, role, contacts and PIN from this phone.
Delete everything from this phone? This can't be undone.
About Unladen Tend
Unladen™ Tend is a prototype made by Co-Synthesist Pty Ltd, Newcastle NSW. Unladen™ is a trade mark of Co-Synthesist Pty Ltd. It isn't a medical or emergency service, and it isn't connected to any venue, group or government agency. It is for adults 18 and over. The questions haven't been clinically validated yet.
What's stored: your role, check-ins, private record, saved contacts and settings, only in this phone's browser. Nothing is sent to anyone. There are no accounts, analytics or trackers.
Feedback: the feedback form is the only part of Unladen Tend that sends anything, and only when you press Send. It doesn't include anything else from the app.
Keep in mind: if you clear your browser data or remove the app, what you've entered goes too. Download a copy first if you want to keep it.
Version 0.1 prototype · October 2026